Holding on to Pain

I’ve been thrashing against the reality of my external world.

Throwing rocks at the happiness around me. Hibernating in my pain.

I’ve been forgetting to turn the lights on in my house.

Crying and screaming your name.

Is it wrong of me to be so unfiltered?

What is this desire to show you my pain? Why does the hurt beg to be heard?
How do I filter out the victim story?
And rearrange my delicate feelings into words?
And squeeze myself to fit into who you think I am?

People are watching. Students waiting. Learn, find the wisdom, and grow.
But

It’s so comfy here. Familiar.
And
he’s here.
In my pain.
So I hold on to it.
So I can hold on to him.