Letter to my Heart

Dear Sweet Vulnerable Heart,

I know. I know the ache that still lingers in the core of you. I know the punctures in your external walls. I know how heavy it is to hold up a shield. So heavy, that you choose to remain unguarded. I know your deepest desire to share your love with the world. You offer your love so freely. Sometimes, blinded by the belief that everyone will share their heart as freely as you do. I know the sensitivity can feel like glass rattling through you. And the constriction at the thought of loss feels too real sometimes. I know you long for union. I know you seek to remind me things. To return me to a place where there is no such thing as pain. To once again rest in the sweet embrace of the Lover who will remove all suffering.

I’ve often confused you with the mind. Thinking you are tired. Tired from being wounded. Many a times I left you in what I thought was pieces. Convinced you were broken beyond repair. I did not trust in your resilience. I did not realize you could not actually be struck. All this time I thought you to be weak. Mangled. Destroyed. So I left you. I left you and wrapped myself in the walls of the ego thinking it safer.

I will not do that anymore. I am remembering now. How strong you are. While the mind tries to say you are weak...it is simply not true. The love within you is infinite and boundless. You have shared this love in many ways through many lifetimes. And you will continue to radiate the Truth of Love. Shining with the secrets of the universe. Patiently waiting for me to catch up and connect with you. Thank you for waiting for me.
I will trust you. Commune with you. Sit with you. Drink from your infinite love. Each sip of you I am reminded of my wholeness. My ability to choose love again.

I realize now that being heartbroken is only a broken connection to ultimate truth. That these physical sensations in my fleshy chest are but humanness, and nothing of the divinity of the heart. That this constriction, sting, and stab is temporary.. So far from the truth of what we really are.

When I feel the pulse of pain I will dive into you. I will give you my shame and fear and believe in your ability to transform all I feel and all I overthink into love. I will be committed to you. Bowing the mind to you, a faithful servant to your knowledge.

My dearest heart. My sweetest friend. My forever lover. I will no longer run away from you in times of trouble, but rather curl into your shelter. Resting my head in your arms. Your lovingkindess is my sanctuary. Your pulse is my truest identity.